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7 Unfailing Laws of Happy Relationships
by: Brenda Shoshanna |
Most think that relationships exist to make them happy. When they find that special person, they believe that love will naturally grow. But in relationships we encounter everything, challenges, joy, fulfillment, loss. Yet, despite all training in life, we seldom learn about the knitty gritty of relationships, how to build the relationship in a way that brings out the best in all. To start this process, there are 7 simple laws we can learn and use. These laws will act as guideposts, helping us to
choose wisely and to avoid costly mistakes.
Law #1
There is Never a Lack of Relationships. Relationships are Abundantly Available Wherever You Are. Many live with the idea that love is scarce -there's not enough to go around and that they must cling to whatever comes their way. This
idea can cause them to get involved with the wrong person, or stay in a relationship that is toxic for them. It is crucial to realize that relationships are plentiful. (If you don’t have one, it is because you are keeping it away). It is never necessary to cling to someone out of fear of being alone.
Law # 2
Know Who You Are And What You Really Want Many enter relationships hoping that it will give them a life,
or make them feel better about themselves. They may want their partner to take care of them, or give them the
approval they’ve been denied.
But it is of the utmost importance to know and respect who you are, to enjoy your own company and be aware of your own
values and goals. Otherwise, you can lost in a relationship, become a pawn in someone else’s world.. A
healthy relationship is an expression of two people, both equally valuable. In this kind of relationship you discover
all you have to offer and how to offer it.
Law #3
Don't Keep Choosing The Wrong Person For You Some find, to their amazement, that they choose the same
partner, over and over again. Relationships patterns repeat as well. This is called the repetition compulsion. It is
the unconscious need to repeat a situation over and over until we master it or it turns out the way we want it to.
This compulsion keeps some people stuck in a bind. If you are caught in this, see what this pattern is doing for you.
Actively choose different places to go and individuals who are different from those you usually meet. Become stronger
than the pattern. Turn you life around.
Law #4
Enjoy Honest Communication Without the ability to say No, we cannot say Yes. Don't pretend to be someone you're not to
make another happy. Don't give up that which is meaningful to you for the sake of a friendship. The bedrock of all
happy relationships is mutual respect and acceptance and open, honest, communication. Ask for what is important to
you. Find out what is really going on for your partner. When a person really feels listened to and accepted they
feel loved.
Law #5
Don’t Try To Change Or Fix Other Person Let everyone be who they are, including yourself. So many of us are
obsessed with changing or fixing everyone. This is not friendship, but manipulation. Many believe that if the
person cared enough, they would certainly change for them. This is not so. Changing another is not your job. Find out
who the person you are with really is. If someone feels accepted, they can change themselves, if they want to.
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Law #
6
Know Difference Between Real and Counterfeit Love.
Feeling happy, high, excited or attached to a person,
feeling possessive or dependent is not love. It's
infatuation, ego thrills or dependency, usually based upon
fantasy. Inevitably, fantasies fade. People then feel that
the love is over. It is not over, it’s just been a form of
counterfeit love. We must learn the difference between real
and counterfeit love, between love and fantasy.
Counterfeit love always involves struggle and pain. Real
love never does. Real love is a verb. It is not based
simply upon feelings, which come and go, but actions. It is
important to learn
"to" do love". Do love and you will be
loved. in return.
Law #7
See the Best In Others - And In Yourself. What we
see in others, we bring out in them. If we focus upon their
negative points (and let them know about them), you can be
certain the negativity will increase. When we focus upon
what is good in that person and let them know, this brings
out the best. The better a person then feels about
themselves, the less need they have for negativity. Often
it can just fall away on its own.
Law #7 1/2
The Master
Law When They Come We Welcome, When They Go We Do Not
Pursue Understand that each relationship lasts for a
certain time. You've come together to learn from one
another, to share, enjoy and often move along. This is not
rejection, but growth and change. Change is natural and
inevitable. Don't see it as failure. Don't see it as loss.
Don't try to control when time comes to go. Realize that if
the person is supposed to be with you longer, they will
return on their own. The greatest art of relationships is
to know how to let go. When someone new comes welcome them,
when it's time to let go, thank the person for all you've
received from them and let go.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Discover more surprising truths about
love that will save your relationship, by working with the
unique program in Dr. Shoshanna’s new e-book Save Your
Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful
Relationships).http://www.truthaboutlove.com/ Dr. Shoshanna
is a psychologist, relationship expert on
i.village.com, speaker, and has run over 500 workshops on all aspects of
relationships and fulfilling your potential.
She is the author of many books, including Zen And The Art of Falling In Love, (Simon and Schuster), Why Men Leave (Putnam), What
He Can’t Tell You And Needs To Say, (Putnam) and many
others.
You can contact her at topspeaker@yahoo.com.
Her personal website is:
http://www.brendashoshanna.com/
About
The Author
Brenda
Shoshanna
Brenda Shoshanna, Manhattan, N.Y.
topspeaker@yahoo.com
Learn more about relationships,
dating, love, success.
She shows how love is easy to find and have and what simple mistakes may be keeping it away. A regular guest on radio and TV, she is author of Zen and The Art of Falling in Love, (Simon and Schuster), Why Men Leave, (Putnam), What He Can't Tell You And Needs To Say, (Putnam) and more.
Dr. Shoshanna has guided hundreds of individuals and couples to both saving their relationships and being all they were meant to be.
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