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The Art of Change
by: Martha Ruske Copyright 2005 |
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The desire for change is a paradox. We know that it is
important to accept ourselves and not be so self-critical,
and yet at the same time we may have less-than-desirable
habits we’d like to replace, traits we want to enhance, or
skills we’d like to develop.
Change happens unceasingly around us and we are called upon
constantly to adapt and grow, or wither. Carl Rogers
believed that all living organisms have a tendency toward
growth, and that as people we strive to actualize our
inherent potential.
Then what makes change so challenging? A situation that
frequently comes up in coaching is the client who feels he
truly wants to change but is baffled by his inability to do
all the action steps that he has agreed to do. He started
with the best of intentions – what’s going on?
Think for a moment about a successful change that you have
made. For example, if you are in recovery from an addiction
you know that the change didn’t happen all at once. It
probably took quite a while to work through the denial, the
attempts to control, the realization that something had to
be done but not knowing exactly what, the knowledge that
you weren’t sure you really wanted to stop, the decision to
stop, the actual stopping, and the integration of new
habits and behaviors.
Other changes, too, unfold through a series of steps.
Psychologist James Prochaska and his colleagues studied
people who made successful changes and identified these
stages:
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Precontemplation – the person denies having a problem and
has no intention of changing their behavior. They might be
demoralized and resist talking about their problem because
there doesn’t seem to be a solution.
• Contemplation – “I want to stop feeling so stuck.” The
person acknowledges their problem and struggles to
understand the causes and wonder about solutions. They may
be far from making a commitment to action, however.
• Preparation – the person is planning to take action
within the next month. They are making final adjustments,
and have made their intention to change public. They may
have instituted a small number of changes already, but they
have not necessarily resolved their ambivalence.
• Action – this is the most obviously busy period. The
changes are more visible to others and receive the most
recognition.
• Maintenance – change never ends with action. This is the
period where the changes are incorporated and the time to
be alert to the risk of relapse.
• Termination – the former problem no longer presents a
temptation or threat, and the cycle of change is exited.
(We know in the case of some changes, like addiction, that
there is no “cure” however.)
You can be at different stages with different issues in
your life. Also, the stages are not linear; you can – and
probably will - spiral back to previous stages, such as
contemplation and preparation, before you are actually able
to proceed with effective change.
This is what is so important to realize:
spiraling back to
previous stages and being ambivalent are all part of
change. This does not constitute failure.
So what does that client, whom I mentioned above, need to
do?
1. Suspend judgment. It’s important that he recognize the
stages of change so that he doesn’t judge himself a
failure. This is not the time for self-criticism.
2. Recognize what he has already accomplished. Behaviors
“travel in packs” and nourish each other. He might be
altering other behaviors or attitudes that will have an
influence on the main thing he wants to change.
3. Not give up. It’s good for him to sit with those
feelings of ambivalence instead of running away from them
because they’re uncomfortable. Being present with the
ambivalent feelings is a step toward change, while putting
off change isn’t.
A lot of coaching happens in the contemplation and
preparation stages. Just because someone has hired a coach
does not mean they will be able to immediately take all
their desired action steps. But even people who are not
ready to act can set the change process in motion.
Think about something you have been meaning to change, or
are actually trying to change right now.
***** What stage are you in?
*****
About
The Author
Martha Ruske
Martha Ruske is a marriage and family therapist in
California. She currently works with people in long-term
recovery from alcoholism, helping them step out into the
fuller life they deserve.
Find out about the benefits of recovery life coaching and get a free workbook at
www.intentionalpath.com.
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